I give my dad a lot of shit. Truthfully he's probably the only adult man I feel comfortable giving shit to. I'm not sure if that means I'm not intimidated by my dad or if I'm just intimidated of every other man. I'm also not sure which of those dynamics is the unhealthy one. I’m going to be safe and go with probably both…
I guess I feel like my dad has made enough choices in his life that have adversely affected me to warrant a little shit giving. These are not choices that other people don't make. They're just choices that when you make them and you have a kid, they sort of fuck up the kid. When I was a child, my dad got so mad at his dad that he didn't talk to him for a while. I want to say months. Over what, I’m not entirely sure. But the family was aware of his refusal to communicate. It was public information. Which means my dad was like “I'm not talking to him.” He declared it. There are many relatives I don’t talk to simply because I'm bad at keeping in touch. I have no ill will towards them. Would I talk to my relatives more if my dad hadn’t made it clear it was OK not to? Perhaps. I mean he could do it out of anger. Is laziness a lesser transgression? It's the same inaction, but my dad's was seen as aggressive only because he announced his intent. I have no intent. And maybe that’s the problem. I’m just disappointing.
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